Education

I have been thinking about what my stand is on education, if someone were to ask me. I think that we currently have a one-size-fits-all approach to education. I don't think one-size-fits-all however. (I know, I never fit clothes that say one-size-fits-all.) So if I were to state how I think education should run, I think it is okay to have a one-size-fits all school (or the public school system), for all the people who fit the system, but I don't think the rest should get tossed by the wayside or forced into the box of the "norm".

Examples from my life: First-My brothers got out of high school and basically have done terrible. It has been years, they both have student loan debt and no degrees to help pay for them, and they are both really struggling in the world. I don't think the public schools properly prepared them for college or for jobs. However, I did fine in school and did fine in college. (I struggle in a few things that I think could have been taught better in schools, but that is fairly minor, they aren't minor to me, but they are compared to the success of my life) Second-My husband did terrible in school, but was still seen as an "exceptional student" and moved into "exceptional student" classes. He hated those classes-they were more homework and more work in general. My husband is the genius type, genius' don't fit the school system, they hate busy work, and they could learn everything from a book. Finally, after years of failing, his mom pulled him out of Jr. High school and home schooled him. He learned to program and took classes he wanted to take from the high school without grades. When he did go to college he shined. He doesn't take notes in classes, he just basically shows up and gets an A in all the courses in his major, but he doesn't do as well in all the "Generals", he got a C in PE... how do you get a C in PE, I might ask? :) But he did good in some of the other "Generals". He is about to finish his masters degree in Physics, already has a programming job and is doing fine in life..... My question is this-Would my brothers have done better had they been pulled out of school or put into a different school?

I think I am all about the one... meaning... how is this child doing? How is that child doing? How is this other child doing? Not... how is everyone doing. I think parents should be the deciding factor here. They have the instincts/intuition, as well as, the most interest in the success of the child. The state has some interest in the child because they are interested in the future, but the parent has a greater interest, because that child is their future! I care about the one.

I am all about choice (which makes me a capitalist). You can choose to send your child to public school or you can chose something else. There really should be no laws against it. Parents should be able to chose what kind of education they would like their children to have. That doesn't mean the state should take charge of making every kind of school available (the state should not have to do everything for us, we should be starting our own businesses and programs), but a parent shouldn't be forced to have their kids in public schools (which in Utah, they currently are not forced, it is a pretty open state to other forms of education). I hope we keep those kinds of choices open. Other choices might include: home school, charter school, and private schools. Having lots of great choices for education gives parents the option to find the best education for their children. Especially, for those parents with a child who is struggling, those parents are very worried and they need options.

I also think parents should be able to be very involved in their child's education-volunteering and being informed as to what is happening in the school, at least if they want to be. Some parents aren't very involved and some parents don't care at all. The children of these parents still go to public school and they are still getting an education, and that makes it so they are not being forgotten, even if the education they are receiving isn't the most ideal for them. That is where public education shines, it takes care of the forgotten children, and that is very important. However, I think most parents care and the few that don't are most likely having problems with other things (such as their marriage, drugs, alcohol, financial issues, etc).

I'm all about making sure each child is getting his best education, parents having choices, and parents being able to be involved to the degree that would like to. And, also, that public schools do have their place in our world (they just shouldn't be the only place kids can get an education).

Have a New Kid by Friday

I have one chapter left of the first parenting book I'm reading "Have a New Kid by Friday". So far I would say the basic idea of this Leman guy's book is that everything that is wrong with your kids is...well, your fault as the parent (he doesn't come right out and say that, but its fairly obvious) Therefore, most likely everything that is wrong with me could have been avoided had my parents had better parenting techniques (I'm not totally sold on this idea). He says you need to be sneaky about implementing your parenting strategies and consistent. I am NOT consistent, and neither were my parents. Actually, one thing I do like about his book, is the idea of coming up with a strategy to deal with a type of situation, instead of for every situation. I feel overwhelmed trying to come up with rules for EVERYTHING, especially since I don't feel like I can anticipate every possible scenario. I like the idea of having a specific disciplinary action for things like: being defiant, doing your part around the house, working things out with each other, etc. I like the idea of saying things once and not repeating myself, but I do need to make sure my 3 year old caught what I said to her. I like the idea of putting things back in the child's court, and not making all choices and outcomes my decision, but letting them learn on their own. One thing I noticed is that he says parents need to build relationships with children (which is similar, if you ask me, to Dr. Sears attachment parenting concept).

I really like that Dr. Leman seems like a normal human being. I get sick of reading parenting books by people who act like they are perfect and they are spilling the beans about how you can be perfect, too, if you follow their formula. Alas, I have never been the perfect type. In fact, my biggest gripe with Dr. Leman's 5 day program, is that-there is no way I can change ME in 5 days, I can pretend I'm perfect, which always turns into a disaster, I just hold in all my anger and then I explode, or I am just generally angry a lot of the time and I'm just keeping it at bay. I think anger is like a hormone or adrenaline, when its in your blood-your high on it, you have no idea how to get rid of it. When it isn't around you feel fine, as if it never even existed, I can remember being angry, but I don't feel the feeling of anger anymore. Does that make sense? Nonetheless, I don't think I can be anger free in a week, I need to get some self-help books on anger management I guess... not a bad idea anyway (It is no wonder that Emma gets mad so much, I hope she can forgive me later in life for this terrible flaw I have. I hope I will learn to deal with it, and she will see the change in me, so that she can see that a person has the ability to change things they don't like about themselves... that sounds ideal.)

All in all, I would suggest this book as a keeper. It has like 100 ideas for different situations you might be dealing with. The basic concept of the parenting style feels a little too harsh for a 3 year old and an 18 month old, but could still be useful to a degree. I feel like this young age is still at teaching stage, I can't say "Go clean your room", I'm still teaching what it means to clean your room, we are still doing it together, so she can learn. At some point, when I can see she gets it, I will let her take on more "responsibility", but for now, she needs me to be with her, I think that is half the joy of work-is working with other people.

We also came up with a new phrase "Love is not leverage". A lot of times, I feel like denying my love to a child to punish them for doing something wrong. I think that I like the idea of building a relationship of love; and any disciplining along the way is my saying I love you enough to give it to you straight "No", no nagging or threatening, just tell it like it is, and keep on loving them. Especially since kids want to push moms buttons, its so much fun. I need to realize, they love me enough to annoy the heck out of me, they bug me because they like me. I met this lady once who had a red-headed, strong-willed 10 year old daughter. Her daughter was helping out at a baby shower. The mom says to me, with her daughter in full ear shot, " Oh, she is so obnoxious". But she said it in the most lovingly annoyed way possible, it was so natural, so funny. Her daughter looked so proud to be such a nuisance to her mom. It was so ... cute. Now that I have kids I'm starting to realize what she was doing... this woman was giving her daughter love by being semi bugged (not frustrated, not angry... more like happily bugged). Her daughter seemed to me to be a very confident, happy, well behaved girl... I'm not sure I saw anything obnoxious about her, but she was quite proud of the label she'd been given. Everyone loves to tease mom, she is fun to pick on, and this mom was strategically letting her daughter enjoy teasing her. Calling your child obnoxious may sound like a terrible thing to say, but the way it all went over was actually very impressive. I could tell she had not spoken that comment for my sake, but for her daughters listening ears.

Okay so this was my first parenting book review... I don't know if I really conveyed what I was thinking, but I tried :)

Learning more about homeschooling

I have been spending a lot of time looking at homeschooling curriculum. Wow, there is so much out there, it's actually overwhelming. I would really like to include a few languages, and I want some flexibility to change things and add things, especially since every child is different. But as I have looked at different homeschooling websites, I have been adding resources to my " Homeschooling Links" list. I also bought some Handwriting Without Tears workbooks, to help Emma a little more. I'm kind of considering going to a Homeschooling Convention... I feel a little weird still. Hmmm... I'm not totally convinced yet.
Other things I found out about were.... Right Start Math Games, Lets Read and Find Out Science Books, and using venn diagrams, having short workbook time and primary journals for records can help in homeschooling.

Cry For Help

I have to be honest with myself here. I am starting to have the "should I have become a parent?" feeling. I am not a good mom, well at least, my kids are starting to have some terrible behaviors (I think I have a drama queen and a control freak on my hands) and I'm pretty sure I'm the one to blame. Not to mention the very scattered and unorganized home that I keep. Now some people might try to comfort me " Oh, your doing fine". Well, no, I don't think so. I'm not depressed about it, I'm not guilt tripping myself in some hole in the ground. I am pretty sure I don't know what the heck I'm doing as a mom. I have good intentions. I think, gee, I want my kids to grow up to be capable adults who know how to take care of themselves and are aware of other people, I want them to make it back to Heavenly Father, and I want them to be able to know how to raise families of their own, I want them to have the skills to find work, and I want them to know how to be happy, etc. (The list goes on.) However, I'm concerned that those are great goals, but I have been horrible at achieving any goals since I've been married. I feel driven to laziness and distractions. I'm not always sure what is important and what isn't. I have a serious anger issue (which I'm pretty sure I learned from my dad) and I have a serious problem with saying things that are very mean at just the right moment (which I'm pretty sure I learned from my mom) :) I love my parents, I in no way blame them, they tried their best, now its my turn to be the parent. And I, too, have so many flaws.
When I was first pregnant, I read lots of books. I knew everything about pregnancy and babies. Beyond babies I haven't really read anything. So here I am-crying for help, where is the guidance I need as a mother? I need real advice, not cutesy, know-it-all perfection advice. I've already screwed these 2 up. Now what? What should I do to fix what I already broke and what can I do to make things right in my home?
This is the plan- I am going to start reading books (like I did when I was having babies), I'm going to pray, I'm going to study the talks and materials the church has produced on parenting, and I'm going to work harder on my own issues. I'm going to record what I'm thinking and doing on my blog... like a parenting journal. I'm going to review books by talking about what their theories are and how the ideas suggested have been used in our home and record if they are working or not. I really feel driven to renovate our family life.