Mother in Zion

A Word About Money

2011-02-17T07:11:00.003-07:00

We moved to California for my husband’s job. But because of the standard of living cost here, we are barely making it by. I’m not the best budget follower… or maker :). I try to be frugal, but I don’t really know if I am or not. I feel like we are seriously broke, though. Which is really an interesting fact, because if I was not broke… I would go and buy all the best Montessori toys and things out there. I like everything I buy to be just perfect. But what do you do if you just can’t. I also don’t know how to do woodwork, and some of the woodwork would be very complicated anyway. And I only own a good old fashioned handsaw.

I have decided to be as cheap and creative as I possibly can, while maintaining the highest standard, with no money. And what is the highest standard? I think it is: making sure that whatever I make or buy functions as it is intended to, and that it looks nice enough for a child to actually want to use.

My goal is to buy as little as possible and to find as many things around the house as I can to make due. Saving cardboard or chip board is the most helpful (especially cereal boxes and pasta boxes, jello boxes… whatever). I am saving anything and everything. (Which makes me like a woman from the depression era) But when you don’t have much, you don’t throw away things that you might find a use for. It was hard to save all this trash at first, but I am already finding uses for many of the things I’ve saved.

I have started making some of the Montessori math games. I will blog about each of them individually when I start my math month. And any other month I come up with homemade ideas.

Here are a list of items so far I have used to make homemade Montessori games: Lots of chipboard from grocery box items, cardboard boxes, popsicle sticks, duct tape, hot glue and glue sticks, the printer is the most expensive part… but I do want to print things so they look their best (I’m considering buying already printed fine art items, rather than printing from the internet, because of the ink cost), regular and card stock paper, beads, string, and some thin wire…

When it comes to making a new game, I look at the item I would want to buy online, and look around the house for things that might help me make it. I want to buy as few items as possible. I try to find free things online that I can print or buy only cheap items that can be used or modified to fulfill the desired product outcome.

I am not an expert at this, but I will make available all of my ideas here. We can call it Cardboard Montessori, Montessori for the Poor :) Since we all know that Montessori is for the rich. If Maria Montessori were alive today, I’m not so sure she would be happy about that little fact.

Starting again

2011-02-16T14:07:00.002-07:00

Well, the holidays sorta came and went and so did my planning a preschool curriculum. I actually have felt very discouraged. Luckily, there is no way I can give up, because I can't afford to pay for the preschools out here. The one I like the most is $360 to $600 a month (Depending on how many days a week the child attends). That is a pretty normal amount to pay here in grand ole' California. Not to mention I have two kids. I would be paying rent to a preschool. Most of the preschools are also daycare centers. I would rather home-school. I really have no money though.

So I have decided to start over... sorta. I think I feel the most discouraged because I need my preschool up and running now. So I spend time trying to quickly implement things, but they don't always go over so well. Emma knows all her letters, upper and lowercase (there are a few that are tricky for her in lowercase). She can write most of them, and she knows most of their sounds (there are a few tricky ones). She can spell first her name. But she refuses to use lowercase letters. To her they are completely interchangeable and she sees no reason why she needs to use one or the other at any given time. She asks how to spell words, so she can write people letters. She counts to 20 and she always wants to count on past twenty, so I need to start 10's skip counting. I did a little, but then I ended up counting all the way to 100. I get so excited to teach her everything, that I go too fast. I'm learning I need to slow down, and try to recognize the steps needed to achieve a full understanding of a topic. Anyhow, that said... I have come up with a new plan.

A Montessori classroom is set up from ages 3 to 6. So the tools used for these ages should be good for kindergarten as well as preschool. I have decided I need some time to develop a really good program for my kiddos. So I am giving myself until the beginning of September to really start a full fledged school program. (Most things are taught in a standard kindergarten anyway, so I think Emma will pick things up quickly and progress fast through the program. While Evan will be starting right at age 3 and probably take a while to get concepts, many will probably have to be taught over and over-which I do wonder if that is somewhat a waste of time, considering he won't remember it :)- It will be interesting to see how each child responds to the same program.) So each month (6 months total) I will focus on one part of my school and develop it and gather materials needed. Here is the plan:

Pre-Time (still in February) Give a little time to thinking about the current program and next 6 months. Finalize the plan, look at money, find out more about programs I might want my children enrolled in, find homeschooling groups and more resources, make a socializing plan, learn a bit more about the Montessori style, and other styles, do some reading.

Month 1. Memorization (Classical Conversations)/Scriptures/Spiritual Education/Service/spiritual music & memorizing scripture

Month 2. Math/Sensorial

Month 3. English/Language/Books/Spanish

Month 4. Science/Biology/Physics/Cosmic

Month 5. Music/Art/Dance and Physical Education

Month 6. Practical Life/The Prepared Environment/Scheduling

Okay so that is the planning part... In the meantime my kids still need something.... so what should I do.... Here is the school plan for right now...

Discipline and Parenting? I need to somehow teach my children obedience and work. I have had quit a time trying to find something that works with my children... Wow, I have tried some of the tactics in books, to find that they backfire in a horrible way. Especially, the famous Love and Logic... it is NOT for Evan... Emma is okay with it... but Evan really struggles with having lots of choices... and he will tell me he isn't being "sweet" right now... I think parenting books assume kids always want to please you. Evan tells me "Mommy, I want to hit the dog. Can I please hit the dog with this stick?" (or whatever)... he is so sweet he tells me his bad intentions first... I just laugh inside... what do I say to this very sweet boy who just wants to hit the dog? Oh, boy!

Spend time learning to love and enjoy each others company. Build bonds of love

Implement Schedules at some degree, gradually adding (learn to get up before the kids and get ready) Daily welcome with day of the week and date, Have FHE, scriptures, and prayers always.

Play with the kids, get into their world… while there, teach basic manners, how a toy is generally used, and how to put it away when done. Add physical activity each day. Do some crafty stuff, sing together, listen to music and dance, experience things... go places, taste foods, smell flowers, listen to birds, notice things. Learn to be together and find interest in the world around us. That way when it comes time to learn "nomenclature" we already have developed an interest in the things we will be learning about.

Observation, start writing down observations of each child’s progress and doings in our home, become aware of what they are doing and how they are growing. Also, just start to record the events of the day. n this way, I can start to learn to make records of our progress as a group and of each individual.

Include them in cleaning, cooking, and other household needs. Start maintaining each of these home needs, so there is something for the children to be included in.

Reading Time start reading for longer and longer periods each day

Gently work on writing letters and numbers, and start adding words to Emma’s knowledge base. By labeling pictures she has drawn, writing letters, etc… nothing formal, learning new words by trying to do things she wants to do (like write Grandma a letter. Which, by the way, she is determined that grandma is spelled granmo and that it is silly to spell it any other way, it makes sense to her... since we always use "ah" for the o sound, and we don't always enunciate the "d").

Piano Time and music, just fun...

Times of the day with different activity and noise levels, notice how everyone responds to time and activity levels, and modify learning times, outside times, eating times, reading times, and other times accordingly

Learn church classroom appropriateness and safety precautions in the world

Play with friends

My Personal Goals:

1. Spiritual Standing. Set my own heart in order, so I can set a personal course for heaven, as well as be an example to the children, be prepared to receive revelation for my many responsibilities, and prepare to be a more full participating member of the kingdom of God.. By self reflection, repenting, studying gospel materials, praying, fasting, and getting my heart right with the Lord.

2. Start developing my own love of learning… starting with piano and Spanish. Find observable, by the children, time to learn... I want to love to learn again, and show the children that I love the learn.

3. Try to learn to be consistent with things in my life.

4. Develop a better attitude in general in life. Be more aware of my reactions to things. Use more positive words in difficult situations. Use more positive words in general. Bless the woman who came up with " Kiss my owie, Mommy", what a gentle and sweet way to respond to a child's tears. I want to find more of these gentle, kind responses to use in my daily speech with my children. But I also want to speak and act better with other adults while on the phone and in person, so that my general demeanor is sincerely positive and full of faith, hope, and charity. As well as, exemplify peaceful, good behavior in all interactions and guide them to do the same. (Children are like mirrors of my own flaws, they can teach me what I need to change in order to have an exemplary attitude. Sometimes I can't tell what message I'm sending, but when my attitude and words come out of Emma's mouth, I can tell whether it was bad or good thing for me to have said.)

5. I also really need to get it into my head that I do not intend to teach the way the school system does... With the teacher telling information to the student and expecting the student to relay that information by testing. I don't have to use this model... It's just the one I am used to. I fall so easily into the trap of not letting them discover things on their own. I cannot spend my time telling them about all the great things "I" know. I am a guide, to help them discover the world. They should not need to look to me for praise, reward, or punishment... they should find their own drive for learning and feel proud of themselves for their accomplishments... I don't want them to need me in order to learn. I help get it started and then I disappear into the walls and let the real learning take place. I observe. I also want to get into their little imaginary worlds and learn with them there. I can find a lot of teaching opportunities in these moments, just by having my little stuffed animal or whatever toy character act in a good way or respond in a way that I would like the children to. Stuffed animals are a great learning tool, the kids love to pretend and they will do anything for my stuffed animal character. (Even laundry! They did this morning!)

Well... there you have it... I will try to post each month with my ideas on each topic and the progress I am making.

Brown Paper-bag Popcorn

2010-10-24T18:44:00.004-06:00

I really wanted some popcorn today. But we don't have a popcorn popper. I got online and found that you could cook popcorn in a brown paper bag in the microwave. I tried it. I burned the first one, of course. But then I made some really great popcorn. I was so happy, I made like 4 bags of it and made it into caramel corn.

All you need is:
1 brown paper-bag
1/4 cup of popcorn kernels

Cook it for about 2 minutes (It started burning around 2 1/2 minutes :)
Then you can dress it however you want. How healthy is that! Of course, caramel isn't healthy :)

One bad thing (But it happens with any popcorn cooking): There were a lot of uncooked kernels in my caramel corn, so I decided that next time-I would make a little hole in the bottom of the paper bag and, sort of, strain them out before dressing them :)

My Inspiration

2010-10-23T13:50:00.004-06:00

Wow, I am making my own curriculum. This is amazing. Heavenly Father is guiding me to resources and teaching me ideas that I need in order to Home school, I am in awe. I will blog more about it when I feel ready. But I feel like it isn't ready to be posted about yet. I am so excited.

I feel like Heavenly Father teaches me a new way to do something or think about something in education, and then I read it on a Montessori or Classical Education page or book. I learn it before I read it, and then the information I read pads the information I already know. This is so amazing.

Eric used to go through this experience with physics, he would learn something from Heavenly Father and then expand that learning in school. I feel like Heavenly Father is teaching and training me. I am so thankful for this beautiful guidance. I hope I can live up to such beautiful and amazing knowledge and that I can implement these things in our lives and home school. I am so grateful.

PreSchool

2010-09-01T19:23:00.002-06:00

First, things, first. I need a Preschool curriculum. I started looking online for books that outline curriculum or monthly programs. Sonlight has a nice looking PreK program, 3/4 and 4/5 programs. I looked at Before Five In a Row, and Five in a Row. I looked at Mother Goose Time and Adventures in Learning for monthly programs. All of these are really wonderful and look like lots of good fun and learning. But when I go to buy them, I just don't seem to feel really good about any of them for my family.I have been feeling confused, are any of them right for my family?
So I prayed for guidance. I have been looking a lot at the Montessori style of teaching young children. Unfortunately, it is fairly expensive and I haven't seen any pre-made curriculum for starting a Montessori home preschool. I obviously can't be trained professionally, that would take me away from my children. I feel like I should focus on the Montessori methods for now. I will design my own curriculum by looking at things that should be learned and then finding Montessori types of ways to implement each thing. I've never done anything like this before and it does sound hard. But I feel that it is what I should do. I need to make my own, there just isn't a program that is already created that will be what I am looking for. I will work diligently, and look to the Lord for guidance in creating this curriculum. I'm sure it will be unique. If there is something out there, I haven't seen it.

I want a more formal, gentle guidance, play together or on your own to learn about the world curriculum. I want to incorporate God and plenty of peaceful happy experiences learning together. Some organized activities for learning how to be in groups and sit quietly when participating in programs and activities outside of our home. I want my children to love to learn, explore and create w/o my forcing them to and enjoy reading, understand how to be appropriate in public and have manners, be able to follow through on boring instructions that will get you what you want in the end, be able to communicate and express themselves through talking, writing, and art, be able to listen and understand the communications of others to them. Learn how to take care of themselves (body, home, financially, mentally, spiritually). Learn to care about other people and their needs, and the world, nature and it's needs. Learn self control and disciple, how to make schedules and set goals. Learn to find happiness w/o material things. Learn the gospel. I'm sure there are so many things I can't mention them all. Most of all I want them to be prepared to make it in this world and make it back to Heavenly Father. Is this possible? :) I hope so. I better keep praying :)

Home-Schooling

2010-08-31T16:07:00.003-06:00

I have decided I definitely want to home-school our kids. I decided this based on 2 reasons. First, I feel driven to write down ideas and read things online about different curriculum and methods. I don't think I would be so driven for no reason. I think I need to be studying and learning how to teach at home so that I can teach my own children. Second, I talked to my mom and asked her if she ever thought to home-school her kids. She said "No". She didn't even consider home-schooling when she moved to a place where homeschooling might have been a good idea. It just didn't cross her mind. I have been thinking about it a lot. I think my general interest in the topic is a good sign it's right for my family.

Now that I have decided this, I want to blog about it :)

Short holocaust story from Eric's Grandpa

2010-04-24T05:41:00.004-06:00

Okay, so its the middle of the night. Both the kids woke up needing help to go back to sleep and now I can't fall back asleep.
Just a while ago I read that the UN was eliminating the Holocaust from education because there are some Muslims who don't believe it happened. (I guess they don't want people sympathizing with Jews, or something) Anyhow, there are so many witnesses that it is true, and it is strange that the UN is bowing down to a minority group within the Muslims.
Which got me thinking, Eric's grandfather sat down with me a few years ago and told me a story from when he was a tank soldier in the Army. He told of how they came into the concentration camps and found the people there in pinstripe pjs. They were starved and they were so happy to see the Americans. Some of the soldiers had candy bars in their pockets, and they gave the candy to the starving people, who immediately died after consuming the stuff. Sad, huh!
I really hope we don't repeat this horrible carnage from history.

The Call

2010-04-16T12:43:00.003-06:00

I really like this song. I think it is what will happen. We will accept the call and fight for our freedoms, but the call will come from with-in our hearts.

Soundtrack: Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Title: The Call (Regina Spektor)

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and now one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger ans stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

(I removed the chorus because it has more to do with the movie than the idea being portrayed)

Border Control

2010-04-02T15:40:00.008-06:00

Hmmm... its funny to think of writing on my blog about border control issues. However, last night I had a dream. In my dream someone was trying to kill us, so we were trying to flee the country and establish a home in South America. I instantly woke up from the dream (which I have come to learn, usually means the dream meant something). As I let my mind be open to the meaning of the dream, I had 4 thoughts on the subject.

1. In my mind I envisioned a very large wall being built around the borders of our country, to keep out evildoers and illegal immigrants, of course. I envisioned more security being placed on the wall, guards with guns, and electric fences. I then saw those guards and guns turn from fighting a battle outside of the wall, to fighting a battle within. It reminded me of Germany, it reminded me of days gone, but not forgotten, where people are prisoners in their own country. If we build such strong borders that no one can get in, what will happen if things in our country go sour and we can't get out! I also realized that the Patriot Act was just this sort of thing. We give up freedoms in order to protect ourselves. But we cannot always guarantee the virtue of our leaders, and so we may be giving ourselves to the enemy slowly by giving up our freedoms to "protect our country from terrorists". What if terrorists find their way to the top of our country, in the white house, and we have hemmed ourselves in, in the name of "protection".

2. I thought of the Nephites in the Book of Mormon. Specifically, the story of Moroni and his wonderful city fortifications. Obviously, this story has many meanings and spiritual dimensions, but what if one meaning is to remind us of the risks of hemming oneself in. Moroni had the cities fortified so well that it was extremely difficult to get in, and when the Laminates came they couldn't figure out how to get into the cities. But what was the greatest risk in fortifying the cities so well? It was the people within, more specifically, the king-men. When cities did fall prey to the Lamanites, it was very difficult to re-enter the cities and take them back. Maybe the Lord is trying to teach us something here.

3. Maybe as Americans we have forgotten who truly fights our battles. Our righteousness will determine the outcome of our battles. Righteousness is the real protection. Just as He fought the battle of the American Revolutionary War. A war fought by farmers. Sick and eating moldy, disgusting food, no armor, not much to protect them. While the British came with their uniforms and weapons. Don't you think the British should have won????? Why didn't the British win??? They had already taken so many other places in the world... Why could they not overtake these poor farmers??? Being righteous and having the Lord on your side is true protection. We are starting to look too much to the government to protect us and not enough to the Lord. He won the American Revolutionary War. He protects His own. There is no such thing as luck, this was a true miracle in history.

4. The founding fathers of our country understood the risks of having human leaders. People change from one day to the next, they change from one thought to the next. They can appear one thing, but be another. Our founding fathers took this into account as they formed the new inspired American government. We need to look to them for guidance and understanding. Their goal was to institute a government that not only protected the people from the world, but from itself. We should study their words and seek understanding from the Lord. He guided them and He will guide us.

Let us not give up so easily the freedoms afforded us by the lives of those gone before, the freedoms the Lord has given us.... for we are in the land of promise. Remember - Inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall prosper in the land; and inasmuch as ye will not keep my commandments ye shall be cut off from my presence. 2 Nephi 4:4

If Zion will be terrible, and her enemies will fear to fight with her, yet she will not take up arms against her neighbor, it will be because she is righteous, she will have the Lord on her side. That is where I want to be. We don't need walls, we need the Lord, we need to be righteous.

Education

2010-03-25T16:54:00.005-06:00

I have been thinking about what my stand is on education, if someone were to ask me. I think that we currently have a one-size-fits-all approach to education. I don't think one-size-fits-all however. (I know, I never fit clothes that say one-size-fits-all.) So if I were to state how I think education should run, I think it is okay to have a one-size-fits all school (or the public school system), for all the people who fit the system, but I don't think the rest should get tossed by the wayside or forced into the box of the "norm".

Examples from my life: First-My brothers got out of high school and basically have done terrible. It has been years, they both have student loan debt and no degrees to help pay for them, and they are both really struggling in the world. I don't think the public schools properly prepared them for college or for jobs. However, I did fine in school and did fine in college. (I struggle in a few things that I think could have been taught better in schools, but that is fairly minor, they aren't minor to me, but they are compared to the success of my life) Second-My husband did terrible in school, but was still seen as an "exceptional student" and moved into "exceptional student" classes. He hated those classes-they were more homework and more work in general. My husband is the genius type, genius' don't fit the school system, they hate busy work, and they could learn everything from a book. Finally, after years of failing, his mom pulled him out of Jr. High school and home schooled him. He learned to program and took classes he wanted to take from the high school without grades. When he did go to college he shined. He doesn't take notes in classes, he just basically shows up and gets an A in all the courses in his major, but he doesn't do as well in all the "Generals", he got a C in PE... how do you get a C in PE, I might ask? :) But he did good in some of the other "Generals". He is about to finish his masters degree in Physics, already has a programming job and is doing fine in life..... My question is this-Would my brothers have done better had they been pulled out of school or put into a different school?

I think I am all about the one... meaning... how is this child doing? How is that child doing? How is this other child doing? Not... how is everyone doing. I think parents should be the deciding factor here. They have the instincts/intuition, as well as, the most interest in the success of the child. The state has some interest in the child because they are interested in the future, but the parent has a greater interest, because that child is their future! I care about the one.

I am all about choice (which makes me a capitalist). You can choose to send your child to public school or you can chose something else. There really should be no laws against it. Parents should be able to chose what kind of education they would like their children to have. That doesn't mean the state should take charge of making every kind of school available (the state should not have to do everything for us, we should be starting our own businesses and programs), but a parent shouldn't be forced to have their kids in public schools (which in Utah, they currently are not forced, it is a pretty open state to other forms of education). I hope we keep those kinds of choices open. Other choices might include: home school, charter school, and private schools. Having lots of great choices for education gives parents the option to find the best education for their children. Especially, for those parents with a child who is struggling, those parents are very worried and they need options.

I also think parents should be able to be very involved in their child's education-volunteering and being informed as to what is happening in the school, at least if they want to be. Some parents aren't very involved and some parents don't care at all. The children of these parents still go to public school and they are still getting an education, and that makes it so they are not being forgotten, even if the education they are receiving isn't the most ideal for them. That is where public education shines, it takes care of the forgotten children, and that is very important. However, I think most parents care and the few that don't are most likely having problems with other things (such as their marriage, drugs, alcohol, financial issues, etc).

I'm all about making sure each child is getting his best education, parents having choices, and parents being able to be involved to the degree that would like to. And, also, that public schools do have their place in our world (they just shouldn't be the only place kids can get an education).

Have a New Kid by Friday

2010-03-19T23:27:00.006-06:00

I have one chapter left of the first parenting book I'm reading "Have a New Kid by Friday". So far I would say the basic idea of this Leman guy's book is that everything that is wrong with your kids is...well, your fault as the parent (he doesn't come right out and say that, but its fairly obvious) Therefore, most likely everything that is wrong with me could have been avoided had my parents had better parenting techniques (I'm not totally sold on this idea). He says you need to be sneaky about implementing your parenting strategies and consistent. I am NOT consistent, and neither were my parents. Actually, one thing I do like about his book, is the idea of coming up with a strategy to deal with a type of situation, instead of for every situation. I feel overwhelmed trying to come up with rules for EVERYTHING, especially since I don't feel like I can anticipate every possible scenario. I like the idea of having a specific disciplinary action for things like: being defiant, doing your part around the house, working things out with each other, etc. I like the idea of saying things once and not repeating myself, but I do need to make sure my 3 year old caught what I said to her. I like the idea of putting things back in the child's court, and not making all choices and outcomes my decision, but letting them learn on their own. One thing I noticed is that he says parents need to build relationships with children (which is similar, if you ask me, to Dr. Sears attachment parenting concept).

I really like that Dr. Leman seems like a normal human being. I get sick of reading parenting books by people who act like they are perfect and they are spilling the beans about how you can be perfect, too, if you follow their formula. Alas, I have never been the perfect type. In fact, my biggest gripe with Dr. Leman's 5 day program, is that-there is no way I can change ME in 5 days, I can pretend I'm perfect, which always turns into a disaster, I just hold in all my anger and then I explode, or I am just generally angry a lot of the time and I'm just keeping it at bay. I think anger is like a hormone or adrenaline, when its in your blood-your high on it, you have no idea how to get rid of it. When it isn't around you feel fine, as if it never even existed, I can remember being angry, but I don't feel the feeling of anger anymore. Does that make sense? Nonetheless, I don't think I can be anger free in a week, I need to get some self-help books on anger management I guess... not a bad idea anyway (It is no wonder that Emma gets mad so much, I hope she can forgive me later in life for this terrible flaw I have. I hope I will learn to deal with it, and she will see the change in me, so that she can see that a person has the ability to change things they don't like about themselves... that sounds ideal.)

All in all, I would suggest this book as a keeper. It has like 100 ideas for different situations you might be dealing with. The basic concept of the parenting style feels a little too harsh for a 3 year old and an 18 month old, but could still be useful to a degree. I feel like this young age is still at teaching stage, I can't say "Go clean your room", I'm still teaching what it means to clean your room, we are still doing it together, so she can learn. At some point, when I can see she gets it, I will let her take on more "responsibility", but for now, she needs me to be with her, I think that is half the joy of work-is working with other people.

We also came up with a new phrase "Love is not leverage". A lot of times, I feel like denying my love to a child to punish them for doing something wrong. I think that I like the idea of building a relationship of love; and any disciplining along the way is my saying I love you enough to give it to you straight "No", no nagging or threatening, just tell it like it is, and keep on loving them. Especially since kids want to push moms buttons, its so much fun. I need to realize, they love me enough to annoy the heck out of me, they bug me because they like me. I met this lady once who had a red-headed, strong-willed 10 year old daughter. Her daughter was helping out at a baby shower. The mom says to me, with her daughter in full ear shot, " Oh, she is so obnoxious". But she said it in the most lovingly annoyed way possible, it was so natural, so funny. Her daughter looked so proud to be such a nuisance to her mom. It was so ... cute. Now that I have kids I'm starting to realize what she was doing... this woman was giving her daughter love by being semi bugged (not frustrated, not angry... more like happily bugged). Her daughter seemed to me to be a very confident, happy, well behaved girl... I'm not sure I saw anything obnoxious about her, but she was quite proud of the label she'd been given. Everyone loves to tease mom, she is fun to pick on, and this mom was strategically letting her daughter enjoy teasing her. Calling your child obnoxious may sound like a terrible thing to say, but the way it all went over was actually very impressive. I could tell she had not spoken that comment for my sake, but for her daughters listening ears.

Okay so this was my first parenting book review... I don't know if I really conveyed what I was thinking, but I tried :)

Learning more about homeschooling

2010-03-18T00:22:00.004-06:00

I have been spending a lot of time looking at homeschooling curriculum. Wow, there is so much out there, it's actually overwhelming. I would really like to include a few languages, and I want some flexibility to change things and add things, especially since every child is different. But as I have looked at different homeschooling websites, I have been adding resources to my " Homeschooling Links" list. I also bought some Handwriting Without Tears workbooks, to help Emma a little more. I'm kind of considering going to a Homeschooling Convention... I feel a little weird still. Hmmm... I'm not totally convinced yet.
Other things I found out about were.... Right Start Math Games, Lets Read and Find Out Science Books, and using venn diagrams, having short workbook time and primary journals for records can help in homeschooling.

Cry For Help

2010-03-17T15:23:00.006-06:00

I have to be honest with myself here. I am starting to have the "should I have become a parent?" feeling. I am not a good mom, well at least, my kids are starting to have some terrible behaviors (I think I have a drama queen and a control freak on my hands) and I'm pretty sure I'm the one to blame. Not to mention the very scattered and unorganized home that I keep. Now some people might try to comfort me " Oh, your doing fine". Well, no, I don't think so. I'm not depressed about it, I'm not guilt tripping myself in some hole in the ground. I am pretty sure I don't know what the heck I'm doing as a mom. I have good intentions. I think, gee, I want my kids to grow up to be capable adults who know how to take care of themselves and are aware of other people, I want them to make it back to Heavenly Father, and I want them to be able to know how to raise families of their own, I want them to have the skills to find work, and I want them to know how to be happy, etc. (The list goes on.) However, I'm concerned that those are great goals, but I have been horrible at achieving any goals since I've been married. I feel driven to laziness and distractions. I'm not always sure what is important and what isn't. I have a serious anger issue (which I'm pretty sure I learned from my dad) and I have a serious problem with saying things that are very mean at just the right moment (which I'm pretty sure I learned from my mom) :) I love my parents, I in no way blame them, they tried their best, now its my turn to be the parent. And I, too, have so many flaws.
When I was first pregnant, I read lots of books. I knew everything about pregnancy and babies. Beyond babies I haven't really read anything. So here I am-crying for help, where is the guidance I need as a mother? I need real advice, not cutesy, know-it-all perfection advice. I've already screwed these 2 up. Now what? What should I do to fix what I already broke and what can I do to make things right in my home?
This is the plan- I am going to start reading books (like I did when I was having babies), I'm going to pray, I'm going to study the talks and materials the church has produced on parenting, and I'm going to work harder on my own issues. I'm going to record what I'm thinking and doing on my blog... like a parenting journal. I'm going to review books by talking about what their theories are and how the ideas suggested have been used in our home and record if they are working or not. I really feel driven to renovate our family life.

Repentance

2010-02-12T14:53:00.003-07:00

I think the word repentance is misunderstood. Repentance doesn't mean to just change yourself. I can change what cereal I eat in the morning, but that is not repentance. Repentance is light; more specifically-the light of Christ. When you seek repentance, you let Christ in.
I think its like your heart is the home of your soul. There are closets in your heart that are locked shut, and rooms that are very dark, and maybe your home in general is somewhat dark. When Christ comes in, he is a light. He illuminates the mess. It can be painful to see the mess all lit up, even embarrassing. He helps you to see it and to clean it up. It is very difficult sometimes and can hurt to throw away some of the junk, but it is also very relieving. You might even have to knock down some walls, where you didn't realize you had things hiding. As you are working to clean your soul, you will be more able to work on your actions (I think actions are like the outward display of whatever is in your heart). As you work, you become something better. In the end it makes your heart lighter :) and happier. It's much easier to have a glad and thankful heart when you're working with Christ to clean your heart and hands. Your clean soul shines and sparkles, it feels good, it feels glad, you know how beautiful you truly are, because you can see it. Other people can see it, too. It shines in your countenance, from your smile, and your eyes.
However, if Christ illuminates the mess, and you aren't feeling ready to look at the mess, you shrink, you hide, you push Him away and say he's mean or being too hard on you. I think this is where repentance gets a bad name. Sometimes, I push him away, but He always comes again, when I'm ready to listen, when my heart is softer.
Christ won't make you change. In fact, the feelings that light brings to your heart are NOT guilt (Guilt is more like the sorrowing of the damned, wishing you could be happy in the mess, and your kinda mad you can't!) The feelings light brings are more like a gentle nudge that says "Will you?"... It's like a choice is being put before you and you can chose to take it or you can turn away and pretend you never noticed. If you turn away enough, I think it gets harder to say "yes", it gets harder to even hear the voice calling. But He is always calling, and we hear Him when our hearts are feeling open and then we chose. We may not even recognize HE is the voice, but He brings the light that makes our lives clearer and He guides us to know how we can make things right, and put our hearts back in order. When you work on the really dark rooms, the harder stuff, you definitely know you are working with Christ... that's why groups like AA have to use terms like "higher power", because you just can't do it without Him, there really is no denying it... (as Amulek would probably tell us).
He doesn't do it all at once. It's a life long process. Someday, we will stand before the Lord. I believe in that day our hearts will be fully illuminated and if there is anything left undone, we will shrink before the Lord, the worse the mess is the more embarrassed we will be (We will want to hide). But if we have worked with Christ to clean our hearts... the best we could, He will make sure we are prepared to withstand the light of the judgment day.
I don't fully understand the atonement, but somehow it gave Christ the power to reach into our hearts and show us what areas of our soul need some TLC.
So there you have it... my thoughts on repentance and light; and the joy and peace it brings to the heart, soul, and mind.

Homeschooling the Browns?

2010-02-09T15:59:00.006-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about homeschooling. I don't know if I will do it yet, but I just keep coming up with ideas. I've been doing little workbooks with Emma and just doing other general learning activities. If Eric and I move to California, I will probably have to, but it is really hard to do there, they are not education friendly in California. I have started recording our daily activities, so I can be ready to record what we do in our school someday.
My thoughts on homeschooling are extensive. The biggest reason I want to homeschool is because I feel like the Lord gave me these beautiful children and I want to teach and train them to live in the world, I don't want someone else to take that experience from me. It almost sickens me to think of giving my children to some else to take care of during the day. They are my divine burden and I want to except the responsibility of preparing them to live in the world. The worst reason to homeschool is, of course, the social aspect. I want my kids to make friends and be able to work with people outside of our family. I wish my kids could just go to school for recess, sports, and other activities, but I want to teach them all the good stuff at home or with homeschool groups! I'm so excited to teach my kids what a wondrous place the world is.

Taking care of me first

2009-01-07T12:12:00.004-07:00

I was thinking today about what the most important things are when you are a mom. I think the first thing is taking care of yourself--that may sound selfish--but it's true.

I noticed I was getting very frustrated and easily angry and not acting very rationally. I would feel like I needed to constantly discipline Emma and Evan was driving me nuts. But then I realized the problem... I needed to eat. I would push so hard to get things done, I wouldn't eat and then I wouldn't have the strength to think clearly. Never skip breakfast, especially if you're breastfeeding. Breastfeeding drains all the energy out of you. If you are full time nursing a baby, you have got to eat a lot, especially if you are past the 4 month mark. Eat, eat, eat!

I have also found that you have got to get ready in the morning... take a shower, or at least get dressed, brush your teeth, etc. Sometimes I feel like everything else is so important and my needs are secondary. By the end of the day I feel like I forgot to start the day. I keep telling myself "As soon as I do this or that I can get dressed for the day", but there is always something else. However, if I take the time to get ready, I feel better in my heart. I don't know why that is. But I feel I'm more ready to "get things done". Eating and getting ready in the morning can change my whole day. I act better, I react to 2 year old issues and baby crying much more rationally and I'm even happy doing it!

Spiders

2008-12-04T16:54:00.005-07:00

So, I saw a spider on my wall yesterday. I could not bring myself to kill it... :) So I decided to put it in a jar and let it go outside. That was much better. Is it wrong to kill little creatures that are not hurting you, but maybe just scaring you? I think killing mice or rats who might spread disease or other pests that endanger our health or survival or cause infestation are okay to kill. But what about the ones that are just plain annoying or scary looking? They are still God's creatures. Maybe I should be more kind in the future, even to the very smallest of God's creations. They can't live in my home, because they freak me out, but I can have a heart and put them outside.

Glenn Beck plays clip of Ezra Taft Benson

2008-12-04T13:25:00.004-07:00

I think this quote is very interesting. I hope our country is not wanting to lose all its freedom and become communists. I think people are so spoiled in America (me included) that sometimes we forget what the word freedom means--or what it doesn't mean. To me, freedom means that a person has the capability of working for money (or whatever he needs) in order to support his/her family's needs and basic wants. I think, freedom means a person has the ability to own property, buy and sell, chose what to do for a living, have access to education to be able to pursue interests, be able to have religious faith and be able to defend oneself if that becomes necessary. It doesn't mean not having to pay bills, work, or take care of yourself. It doesn't give you the right to be lazy, irresponsible, play all the time, and most of all not suffer the consequences of your choices.

Mother in Zion

2008-12-03T20:44:00.002-07:00

I decided to call my personal thoughts blog "Mother in Zion". It's funny I feel like I'm offending someone by calling my blog something religious. I almost feel embarrassed, I'm not really sure why. But the truth is-I really do believe in God. I really do feel that my goal is to live a life worthy to live with Him again. He truly has been my friend, my councilor, my hope, my savior, my everything. I can't deny that. I don't want to be ashamed. As Satan wages his war against all that is good, I don't want to be afraid of him or those who chose to follow him. I believe in love, I believe in caring for each other, I want to be a part of this great drama of the last days and help prepare the world for the second coming of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Due to all the recent events, I wanted to be able to express my thoughts and opinions somewhere, so I thought a blog might be a good way to think "out loud"... So here I am on Blogger, a faithful Mother in Zion and Daughter of God blogging my thoughts :) How exciting!!